H****y
发帖数: 2992 | 1 “What is EQ? If IQ is something you have little control over, then EQ is
everything else you could shape for yourself, at least theoretically.” ~ me
:)
1. To make it easy
The first half of the sentence is straightforward: when we are in a
conversation, say what we truly want to say. Why would anybody not do this?
Because people often misinterpret the so-called “art of communication” as
hiding one’s true thoughts, which I don’t agree with. Yes, there are
situations when we have to conceal our feelings or dodge the questions, but
that has nothing to do with better communication skills. For most
conversations, the ultimate goal is to tell people exactly what we want them
to know, no more and no less. If the message may hurt the feelings of other
people, we may find ways to soften the impact, or to let them know it’s
not personal and we do this for a good reason. A skillful talker can often
minimize the impact of an adverse message. Nevertheless, the message has to
be unmistakably delivered in the end. No matter how beautifully you have
phrased it, if you didn’t have the guts to say what you had meant to say,
or your wording was so ambiguous that the listener was left wondering, then
the mission has simply failed.
Whether one is good or bad at conversations, clarification and honesty are
always preferred qualities for constructing positive relationships.
Especially for people you need to work with for a long period of time, being
a straightforward person allows them to trust you. Yes, your candid words
and forthright manners occasionally make them unhappy, but after a while,
they will appreciate the fact that at least they can easily know your true
opinions. We are modern people with enough business and crises to worry
about. If we have to spend extra time trying to decipher someone’s meaning
or gauge how much we could rely on our ears, we’d rather not deal with that
person, however sweet he/she appears to be at first.
As group leaders, making explicit statements about our rules and
expectations can save us trouble from those who may, at a later time,
intentionally bend our sayings to justify their misbehaviors. “I’m sorry.
I thought you meant …” We know it wasn’t true, but why give them the
opportunity? Eliminate any ambiguity. Avoid words that weaken the tone of
our authority. Meanwhile, try to cultivate a similar style of clarity with
the group, rather than “everything is being implied.” If someone makes an
obscure statement, we could rephrase it and ask them to confirm if this is
what they meant. Soon they’ll catch on.
2. To make it effective
The second half of the sentence, “mean what you say,” is more difficult to
practice. When it’s about ourselves, we need to demonstrate a
determination to stick to it, or at least try our best until the promise
could no longer be kept. If it’s related to others, such as a rule made for
the lab, it has to be implemented with rare exceptions. Does it sound harsh
? Yes, but that’s the price we pay for becoming an effective leader. Why
would people take our words seriously, if they know we are likely to change
our mind later?
In terms of classroom teaching, it is always recommended to spend some time
on a detailed syllabus, and then follow along. Does that mean whatever is
the on the syllabus has to be better than any other alternative? No. The
reason we put something there is not because it’s the best practice (
although there is no reason not to choose the best), but because students
need some kind of rules and guidelines. If they see the syllabus is being
strictly followed, they can rest assured that they understand the teacher’s
expectations. Every time we change something in the middle of the term,
even if it’s for their good as we believe, uncertainty or even distrust may
arise. “Who knows if the design project I’ve been working on so hard will
indeed count for 20% of the overall grade?”
I remember someone on this forum once told this story. He/she said in the
syllabus that class attendance was required, and then sent out an email
notice every time before a quiz. Well, if students were supposed to come to
every lecture, why was such a notice needed? This action was telling the
students that they did not need to come to every lecture. Worse, this action
implied that the teacher was not serious about the rules that had been made
. Tiny things like this can have a bad effect on students’ behaviors.
About curving, some teachers like it, others would never try it. This is
your choice, but I believe it’s not a good idea to introduce curving only
after you have graded the final exam, while the syllabus has indicated a
seemingly fixed criterion. I know you don’t want to fail half of the
students in the class, but unless this is your first time teaching the
course, you should have had more realistic expectations before the class
began. In the worst case, state in the syllabus that curving may be applied
in the end depending on the class’s overall performance.
In terms of managing a lab, not keeping one’s words as a PI can be
destructive. This includes the selection of research topics. “Oh, team, let
’s do this!” The next day, “I have a better idea!” Fine, but if it
happens three times in a role, you have presented yourself as someone who
lacks judgments. So “mean what you say” implies that we should think twice
before choosing a topic. If your students did some literature searching
after you gave them a topic, only to find that you have trashed the idea the
very next day, they’ll learn to wait in the future, and probably much
longer than you would like them to.
“All right, you are telling us that once we have made a plan, no matter how
stupid it turns out to be, we have to follow it through?” Of course not.
We all make mistakes, and even if we have made a sound decision at first,
the circumstance may gradually evolve into a stage when the initial judgment
no longer holds. By no means, alter the plan as you see fit. The important
thing is that we don’t want to appear “arbitrary” in doing so. Not only
inform everybody about the change, but also explain the rationale. If it was
a mistake, admit it and apologize for wasting others’ time.
3. What’s beyond
Why do we need a leader? The actions and decisions he makes are only part of
the job. Personality and professionalism play a big role and may even
determine the team’s future. When a crisis occurs, when everyone is running
around to hear about the latest rumor on budget cuts, seeing that the
leader maintains composure and behaves normally alone may calm the team
members, even before any action is initiated to solve the problem. Both “
say what you mean” and “mean what you say” reflect the confidence and
determination that the person is not afraid of expressing his opinions,
making promises, and taking responsibilities, all towards the realization of
a clear goal.
Now, here come the interesting counterparts. You think you have followed the
two principles, but why is the result far from desired? There can be styles
or actions that actually compromise the effect. The first is repetitiveness
. Say what you mean, and say once. When people don’t follow, what they need
to see is the consequence, not your reiteration of the rule. Okay, I know
this is too harsh. You can remind them once, but definitely do not form the
habit of repeating what you have said again and again.
Another is over-justification. When a rule is first made, you could explain
why we need it there. If someone violates it, point it out seriously with a
warning. We don’t want people to think that a rule has to make sense to
them or they would not follow it. If a student got a bad grade with your
class and wondered why, just show him the syllabus and your calculation. If
you explain why the quizzes count for 25% of the overall grade and why the
exams had to be so hard, you are encouraging them to challenge on how you
set the criterion. In other words, over justification weakens the authority.
When I first set up a lab, I wanted to create a Lab Manual. Three years
later, I saw that empty file folder sitting on a shelf. Rules are rules not
because they are written on paper or carved in stone, but because they exist
in people’s heads and get strictly followed. | n*******l
发帖数: 2911 | 2 赞！读上去真是欲罢不能啊。Rules are rules. Law and order.
me
?
as
but
【在 H****y 的大作中提到】
: “What is EQ? If IQ is something you have little control over, then EQ is
: everything else you could shape for yourself, at least theoretically.” ~ me
: :)
: 1. To make it easy
: The first half of the sentence is straightforward: when we are in a
: conversation, say what we truly want to say. Why would anybody not do this?
: Because people often misinterpret the so-called “art of communication” as
: hiding one’s true thoughts, which I don’t agree with. Yes, there are
: situations when we have to conceal our feelings or dodge the questions, but
: that has nothing to do with better communication skills. For most
| f*******e
发帖数: 5277 | |
|
