R******d
发帖数: 5739 | 1 http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=194424297
SAGAL: Megan, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which
you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Megan's topic?
KURTIS: Please, I'm not that kind of girl.
SAGAL: If you're a human female, you've put up with a lot of unwanted
attention from guys. This week, we read about a great new way to stop people
for hitting on you. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Guess the
real creep deterrent, you'll win Carl's voice on your home answering
machine or voicemail. Ready to play?
TRIPP: Sure.
SAGAL: First, let's hear from Alonzo Bodden.
ALONZO BODDEN: Ladies, are you single? Do you want to stay that way? Do you
just want to be left alone tonight? Unmatch.com is here to help you.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: The service works because everybody does the same thing when they
meet an attractive person: They look them up online. If you've hired unmatch
.com, you're sure the person looking you up will immediately want to look
away.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: Unmatch creates an entire online existence for you carefully created
to drive away the most ardent suitor. Apparently, complaints about your
landlord not allowing 15 cats or taking a break from your four kids under
five years old will slow any guy down.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: Any man that Googles you will come up with a planted news story
about you, your bankruptcy, pending house arrest or your obsessed ex who
just got out of jail.
(LAUGHTER)
BODDEN: Unmatch agrees there's no guarantee, but their service is like a car
alarm: It won't guarantee security, but the thief would rather go after
something that's not shrieking a warning signal.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Unmatch.com, which creates an online profile for you that will drive
anyone away. Your next story of a new way to tell people you're not
interested comes from Paula Poundstone.
PAULA POUNDSTONE: Some men don't always know when women would like to be
approached, and women don't always know how to politely decline advances,
which leaves a nice juicy business opportunity for the maker of Thank You,
Not Now, the truly foul-smelling atomizer.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: It's a simple device with a three-button handheld component,
each releasing a different repulsive smell, sold separately, including What
Have You Been Eating, How Many Head of Cattle Do You Own, How Many Head of
Cattle Do You Have With You...
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: ...and What in the Hell Did You Roll In.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Women love being able to put off the common, clumsy are you
ladies alone with a quick (makes noise) and a whoa, you know what, (makes
noises). I'm sorry, I can see you're busy, (makes noises). It's available
online at ReallyStinkyStuffThatMakesPeopleGoAway.com and at Bed, Bath and
Beyond in the Beyond.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Thank You, Not Now, the atomizer of scents sure to drive anyone away.
Your last story of an unusual way to stay single comes from Jessi Klein.
KLEIN: Whether a woman's relaxing at the beach, shopping at the supermarket
or even recovering in the ICU, there's always a sketchy guy trying to talk
to her about how awesome it would be to have sex with him.
(LAUGHTER)
KLEIN: Thankfully, there's breaking news out of China this week that someone
may have solved the problem. Women who really want to be left alone are now
wearing what are described as, quote, "anti-pervert leg-hair stockings,"
which create the illusion of the wearer having hairy legs.
(LAUGHTER)
KLEIN: And we're not just talking slightly unshaven hairy legs. We're
talking thick, curly, male black hair. This is Saddam Hussein as he just
came out of the spider hole hair...
(APPLAUSE)
KLEIN: Burt Reynolds lying on a bear rug hairy legs. Worn with a skirt or
even under a bathing suit, the stockings are guaranteed to ward off or even
sicken most potential harassers.
(LAUGHTER)
KLEIN: Sadly, what the maker of the stockings has not considered is the fact
that no matter what weird thing a woman does with her body, there will
always be an even weirder man who digs it. |
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