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发帖数: 8367 | 1 Bernanke Gets Hammered, Tells Truth About US Economy
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 08/03/2011 09:33 -0400
Ben Bernanke Ben Bernanke Bond Consumer Confidence Federal Reserve None
Reality The Onion Unemployment
Yes, this is from the Onion. But in this surreal, centrally planned by none
other than Ben Bernanke reality, the mirror in mirror effect is extremely
disturbing.
Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S.
Economy Really Is
SEWARD, NE—Claiming he wasn't afraid to let everyone in attendance know
about "the real mess we're in," Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke
reportedly got drunk Tuesday and told everyone at Elwood's Corner Tavern
about how absolutely fucked the U.S. economy actually is.
Bernanke, who sources confirmed was "totally sloshed," arrived at the
drinking establishment at approximately 5:30 p.m., ensconced himself upon a
bar stool, and consumed several bottles of Miller High Life and a half-dozen
shots of whiskey while loudly proclaiming to any patron who would listen
that the economic outlook was "pretty goddamned awful if you want the God's
honest truth."
"Look, they don't want anyone except for the Washington, D.C. bigwigs to
know how bad shit really is," said Bernanke, slurring his words as he spoke.
"Mounting debt exacerbated—and not relieved—by unchecked consumption,
spiraling interest rates, and the grim realities of an inevitable worldwide
energy crisis are projected to leave our entire economy in the shitter for,
like, a generation, man, I'm telling you."
"And hell, as long as we're being honest, I might as well tell you that a
truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16
percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we're lucky—
if we're lucky," continued Bernanke, nearly knocking a full beer over while
gesturing with his hands. "Of course, if everybody knew that, it would
likely cripple financial markets across the entire fucking globe, even in
various emerging economies with self- sustaining growth."
After launching into an extended 45-minute diatribe about shortsighted moves
by "those bastards in Congress" that could potentially exacerbate the
nation's already deeply troublesome budget imbalance, the Federal Reserve
chairman reportedly bought a round of tequila shots for two customers he had
just met who were seated on either side of him, announcing, "I love these
guys."
Numerous bar patrons slowly nodded in agreement as Bernanke went on to
suggest the United States could pass three or four more stimulus packages
and "it wouldn't even matter."
"You think that's going to create long-term economic growth, let alone
promote job creation?" Bernanke said. "We're way beyond that, my friend.
There are no jobs, okay? There's nothing. I think that calls for another
drink, don't you?"
While using beer bottles and pretzel sticks in an attempt to explain to the
bartender the importance of infusing $650 billion into the bond market, the
inebriated Fed chairman nearly fell off his stool and had to be held up by
the patron sitting next to him.
Another bargoer confirmed Bernanke stood about 2 inches from her face and
sprayed her with saliva, claiming inflation was going to "totally screw"
consumer confidence and then asking if he could bum a smoke. | l*i
发帖数: 5732 | 2 哈哈哈， so funny
none
【在 c*********o 的大作中提到】
: Bernanke Gets Hammered, Tells Truth About US Economy
: Submitted by Tyler Durden on 08/03/2011 09:33 -0400
: Ben Bernanke Ben Bernanke Bond Consumer Confidence Federal Reserve None
: Reality The Onion Unemployment
: Yes, this is from the Onion. But in this surreal, centrally planned by none
: other than Ben Bernanke reality, the mirror in mirror effect is extremely
: disturbing.
: Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S.
: Economy Really Is
: SEWARD, NE—Claiming he wasn't afraid to let everyone in attendance know
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