J******s
发帖数: 7538 | 1 THE MIRROR OF LOVE
by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
So many of us want to find (and keep!) a beautiful love. After many years of
dating...and dating...and dating, I discovered a wonderful tool that helped
me...and continues to help me...create a beautiful love, a love that after
26 years of marriage, keeps getting better...and better...and better.
Let me introduce you to this wonderful tool for keeping love alive. Those of
you who know my work are already familiar with it, as I have used it in a
number of different contexts. The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love
expands the scope of this exercise and shows you how it will help you move
from a position of fear and anger to one of power and love when it comes to
your present or future relationship. And what is this life-changing exercise
? It is...
PICK UP THE MIRROR INSTEAD
OF THE MAGNIFYING GLASS.
Hmm. I suspect that many of you might not like the sound of that initially.
So let me explain the mirror and the magnifying glass as I am using them
here...
The magnifying glass represents our symbolically pointing a finger and
blaming our mate for our unhappiness. When we blame our mate, we, by
definition, add to the negativity that lies within the relationship. We also
feel helpless because, when we think our happiness depends on someone else,
we give away all our power. So not only does our relationship suffer, we
personally suffer as well.
The mirror, on the other hand, is our antidote to blame. It represents our
looking inward and taking responsibility, not only for our actions, but also
for our REACTIONS, to what is going on in the relationship.
Think about it...
The mirror is our key to controlling
our own happiness.
Ultimately, whether we are in a relationship or not, it is by looking into
the mirror that we are able to pick up our power and discover what we
personally need to do in order to change what isn't working. Powerful,
indeed!
I remember teaching a married woman the "pick up the mirror" concept. The
first thing out of her mouth was, "If anybody needs to pick up the mirror,
it's my husband!" Oops! I don't think she understood the concept of the
mirror! Once again, it is a guarantee that throwing the blame and
responsibility at our mate doesn't solve any relationship issues. I believe
that one of the main purposes in the relationship is to teach ourselves how
to become more loving people. And the mirror is the perfect tool to help us
to do that.
By the way, if your mirror tells you that it is your own fear, insecurity,
lack of appreciation and the like that have created some or many of the
difficulties in your relationship, there is no reason to blame yourself. Nor
should you blame yourself if you want a relationship and don't have one.
For your own peace of mind, remember that we are all doing the best we can
and there is always room for improvement. You are looking in the mirror
solely for the purposes of learning and growing. Understand that...
Self-awareness is the first step
toward positive change.
And your mirror is a wonderful tool for creating self-awareness. It removes
all your denial and allows you to become honest with yourself. Looking
inward, you are able to discover what you can do to keep love alive; looking
outward, you won't find the answers you are seeking.
Your mirror does many other things as well. It helps move you from the Lower
Self, the weakest part of who you are, to the Higher Self, the most
powerful and loving part of who you are. I doubt that any of you reading
this want to stay stuck in the weakest part of who you are!
When you pick up the mirror, you are ultimately able to find the healing
light that shines within your being. When you pick up the mirror, you pick
up your power. When you feel more powerful, your anger, pain and fear is
diminished. When you feel more powerful, you act with integrity, compassion,
caring, respect and kindness.
And there is a hidden benefit of the mirror: If you are having issues with
your relationship, you are most likely having issues in other aspects of
your life. As you use your mirror to work on healing your relationship,
other aspects of your life will be healed as well.
Here is just one example of how the mirror is a great improvement over the
magnifying glass and how it moves us to the most loving part of who we are...
Looking through the magnifying glass, we blame: "I am angry because of his/
her taking time away from me to spend time with his/her friends."
Looking through the mirror, we take responsibility for our reactions, "Is my
life so limited that I can't function without him/her for a few hours? It's
time for me to take responsibility for creating more balance in my life so
that I don't feel empty and needy when he/she is not around. One way I can
do this is to widen my own circle of friends...
You can see how the mirror shows us how to take responsibility for creating
a win-win situation. Can the mirror save all relationships? Of course not.
But even if the relationship ends, the rewards that come from looking into
the mirror are always great. Sometimes it's good to move on. And it does
require that we push through whatever fears we have about leaving. But even
as we leave, we have to remember to take the mirror with us. It's meant to
be used for a lifetime as we encounter new situations in love...and in life.
Maybe you won't like what you initially see in the mirror. (I certainly didn
't!) I beg you to put aside your judgment. Again the mirror is not an
instrument for self-blame; it is an instrument of self-awareness and
ultimate healing. The mirror is there to show you the road to the best of
who you are. It is there to help you recognize what you are doing to damage
your relationship ... and it gives you the pathway to healing your inner
hurts. It shows you when the negative past is leaking into your heart and
messing up the present. It points out habitual responses that get in the way
of love. We are all lovers-in-training and as we change these negative
habits, we open the door to love. Trust me on that one! The mirror is an
amazing tool, indeed!
From my heart to yours,
Susan Jeffers | G*********0
发帖数: 95 | 2 真美好，结婚七年了吗 你？
of
helped
after
of
【在 J******s 的大作中提到】
: THE MIRROR OF LOVE
: by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
: So many of us want to find (and keep!) a beautiful love. After many years of
: dating...and dating...and dating, I discovered a wonderful tool that helped
: me...and continues to help me...create a beautiful love, a love that after
: 26 years of marriage, keeps getting better...and better...and better.
: Let me introduce you to this wonderful tool for keeping love alive. Those of
: you who know my work are already familiar with it, as I have used it in a
: number of different contexts. The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love
: expands the scope of this exercise and shows you how it will help you move
|
|
