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真的超有内涵的
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard
to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in
and sink my boats.
Woody Allen
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like
a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like
meringue.
Woody Allen
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Woody Allen
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an
Armenian.
Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed
moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Woody Allen
I am two with nature.
Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the
government.
Woody Allen
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of
underwear.
Woody Allen
I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is
French-kiss her.
Woody Allen
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it
through not dying.
Woody Allen
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed
teachers.
Woody Allen
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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Woody Allen
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
Woody Allen
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Woody Allen
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It
involves Russia.
Woody Allen
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this
girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'
Woody Allen
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Woody Allen
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a
dead horse.
Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard
enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Woody Allen
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
Woody Allen
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed,
sold me this watch.
Woody Allen
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
Woody Allen
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
Woody Allen
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my
name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Woody Allen
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing
anything very innovative.
Woody Allen
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into
television shows.
Woody Allen
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV
shows.
Woody Allen
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a
tune.
Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it
happens.
Woody Allen
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much
too soon.
Woody Allen
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun
.
Woody Allen
Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have
any fun at all.
Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged
by a quaker.
Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily
lying down .
Woody Allen
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and
spends very little on office supplies.
Woody Allen
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it
into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
Woody Allen
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Woody Allen
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless
experiences go its pretty damn good.
Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not
in those words.
Woody Allen
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
Woody Allen
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
Woody Allen
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much
sleep.
Woody Allen
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead
of what you don't have.
Woody Allen
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening
with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Woody Allen
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I
definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
Woody Allen
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my
room.
Woody Allen
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Woody Allen
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
Woody Allen
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Woody Allen
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there
must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you
want to live to be a hundred.
Woody Allen
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