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发帖数: 298 | 1 【 以下文字转载自 Sex 讨论区 】
发信人: gaining (多), 信区: Sex
标 题: Avoid First-Date Financial Disasters
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Sun Apr 24 01:57:53 2011, 美东)
Last year, Nikki DiGennaro, a 28-year-old publicist, went on a first date
with a guy she met online. He asked her to suggest a restaurant, so she
chose a well-reviewed seafood place in Philadelphia, where entrees were in
the $20 range.
"I chose a bring-your-own-bottle place and told him I would take care of the
wine — a nice gesture I thought," she related. "When it came time to pay,
he said, 'since it was your recommendation, do you want to split the check?'
It certainly was my recommendation, but one he asked for — and after all
was said and done, I paid more, including the bottle of wine."
According to a new survey by Match.com, such financial snafus on first dates
can derail potential romantic partnerships. In most cases, men pick up the
check: Just a third of women said that they've shared expenses with their
first dates.
Whitney Casey, author of "The Man Plan" and relationship expert for Match.
com, calls DiGennaro's experience awful. "It's wonderful that she offered to
bring wine. The fact that he wanted to split the bill is insulting. Men
need to realize that we don't need them to save us or pay off our credit
cards or buy us a house and car — but one meal? Invest in your future," she
says. Casey argues couples should never go Dutch on a first date.
The Match.com survey found that more than half of men lay out more than $50
on a first date. Women, by contrast, are three times more likely to spend $
25 or less. Instead, their money goes to preening for the big event: 53
percent said they spend money in advance on new outfits and pre-date
grooming, with roughly two-thirds laying out more than $50 prettying
themselves for the date.
Moreover, men feel more pressure about the financial aspects of dating: They
're more likely to consider cost a factor when planning the date, and
compared with women, are three times more likely to think that there are
expectations about how much they should spend. But it seems they put this
pressure on themselves: The majority of women (58 percent) don't want a
lavish night out, and just under half of female respondents said it doesn't
matter how much their potential partner spends on a first date.
That doesn't mean men should make Starbucks the go-to casual-and-affordable
option for a date. "Coffee is so dated, and boring and safe," says Casey. "
Hold out for cocktail hour even if you're not a drinker — it's a sexier
setting. You don't get chemistry with a mochaccino."
By the same token, beware the four-course prix fixe at an ultra-elegant
bistro. "If you're a woman and you suggest a five-star restaurant, you just
sent a statement that you are a gold digger," says Casey. "For men it shows
a bit of insecurity if you spend too much. Women think, 'he's just trying to
impress me.'"
Instead, Casey suggests men come up with a list of midpriced restaurants for
lunch or dinner recommended by female friends or acquaintances, where they'
d also feel comfortable. "Find a place that's not expensive, but not cheap
— a solid neighborhood joint where you can BYOB," advises Casey. "Find a
few different types — Italian, Thai, American — so she can choose. But
never go to a chain restaurant on first date. It shows a lack of originality
." She says a typical first date runs $30 to $40 (except in a high-cost city
like New York, where it might cost $60 to $70).
Is using a coupon on a first date a romance killer? For the majority of
women — 54 percent — yes, according to the survey. But a hefty 46 percent
said they would be fine with their date using a coupon to pay for a meal or
activity.
"Groupons have made coupons cool," says Casey. "If you pay retail for
anything, even dinner, you're a sucker — and women get that. There's a
question that I ask in focus groups: Would you rather a man pay with a
coupon, pay with all coins or get his credit card rejected? And hands down,
women say pay with a coupon, as long as it doesn't limit your choices — for
instance, 'you can only have the chicken on the menu with this coupon.'"
Whether you use a coupon or not, tip well — it's a turn-on, according to
the survey. More than 80 percent of those surveyed said financially generous
actions such as tipping, donating and tithing make their date more
appealing. "If a guy tips 10 percent and was rude to the wait staff, it
speaks volumes about the person," says Casey.
So what's the biggest financial turn-off? Debt. Some 57 percent of singles
say debt has an impact on how they view potential partners, and it would
cause them to reevaluate their relationships. Nearly three-quarters of
singles said more than $5,000 of credit-card debt is a turn-off.
But by the time most people find out their mate has a big debt load, they're
committed. "That's too late," she says. "You're already in it, and in love
with someone who then has no credit score. When you get the feeling you're
going to change your Facebook status to 'in a relationship,' that's a good
time to figure out the finances. Just cut to the chase, she adds: "Say, 'I
know it's a touchy topic, but are you in debt?'"
A final turn-off many women are probably not aware of: asking a first date
what he does for a living. "Here's what a man hears: 'So how much do you
make?'" says Casey. Women are genuinely interested in what they do, but 85
percent of men immediately assume women want to know what they earn. Avoid
the subject of work and steer clear of questions like, "where do you
vacation, where do you live, what do you do for a living?" For men, these
are just ways to quantify him, Casey says.
As for DiGennaro, she says she has often questioned the whole concept of
Internet dating, but no longer: Last week she moved in with her boyfriend,
who she met online. |
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