P*******l
发帖数: 4895 | 1 今天早上看到的，写得蛮好，恰好快到情人节了，贴过来给大家看看
By Dr. SUSAN BLOCK
"The spiritualization of sexuality is called love," said Nietzche in The
Twilight of the Idols, "It is a great triumph over Christianity." Not to
mention every other organized religion.
Sex is my obsession. Love is my religion. Sometimes I'm not sure if I
believe in God. But I always believe in Love. I know love exists, because I
can see it in my lover's eyes, I can hear it in his voice, I can feel it in
his arms, I can smell it on the back of his neck, and I can taste love in
his kiss. I love the physicality of love; it gives me faith, breaks down the
agnostic in me, and makes of me, against all odds, a true believer.
But my belief in love goes beyond the physical. I believe the more love
there is in the world, the less violence. And I'm not just talking here
about love of humankind. That's a wonderful, very important kind of "
altruistic" love, but it can only go so far because it's not passionate (and
who the hell wants to go to bed with all of humankind anyway?). Violence is
passionate. It can only be defeated by an equally passionate, powerful
force like romantic erotic love. Duke Ellington said it best: "Love is
supreme and unconditional. Like is nice but limited."
But how can we make love last? That is the question, and the answer lies in
the story of our lives on earth, and the chemistry of our feelings...
In the beginning, there is love. A hot and steaming love supreme that can
heal our wounds, open our eyes, shake up our governments, give us more zing
than a case of Red Bull and make us hap-hap-happier than we ever imagined
possible.
And it's real. As scientifically real as the chemical changes it unleashes
within our bodies. But alas, it is not eternal. Nor is it exclusive.
Just look at nature: exclusivity in love is rare as an endangered species.
The Nile crocodile, the American toad, the wood roach, the klipspringer, the
siamang, the reedbuck, some beetles, most birds, muskrats, some bats,
beavers, deer mice, a few monkeys, some wild dogs, and the ironically named
dik-dik are monogamous creatures. At least, they're into serial monogamy.
But that's about it.
Yes, falling in love is like being on drugs. Hard drugs. It's a natural high
far finer and smoother than anything you could inject, smoke, snort, drink
or swallow. Of course, love isn't something you can pick up at the pharmacy
or even on the black market. It strikes you like a mystical gift from God,
or a practical joke from tricky, fickle old Hot Mama Nature. Then it stirs
up that euphoric, love-juicy chemical goo that permeates your cells,
creating a place within you where hormones meet holiness, wildflowers bloom,
angels dance, and the city never sleeps.
To differentiate it from long-term love, I call this marvelous, giddy,
speedy, slightly insane, falling-in-love feeling "Hot Love." Hot Love is the
supernova of affection, but like the song sings, it's just too hot not to
cool down. After a while, your body builds up a tolerance to the PEA and
other sizzling chemicals. Inevitably, the feeling fades. And you wonder (as
the two of you go to bed yet again without coupling madly like you used to),
where is the passion? Where has love gone?
It's a sad, sad, universal story. But don't despair! All is not lost,
chemically speaking. If your relationship continues past the Hot Love stage,
another set of chemicals flows into your bloodstream. These are opiate-like
endorphins and sweet-feeling oxytocin that sensitize your nerves, stimulate
muscle contraction, enhance orgasm and make cuddling feel absolutely divine
. I call this stage "Warm Love," as it brings on that nice, warm sense of
well-being you get when you're really comfortable with someone.
The coolest thing about Warm Love is that, unlike Hot Love, it can last
forever. No tricks necessary. In fact, it's quite habit-forming. That's why
breaking up is so hard to do. Even when you really don't like someone
anymore, and you know you should move on, it often feels like you "can't."
Why? Because you're chemically addicted. Oxytocin, when it's got you hooked
on the wrong partner, can be tougher to kick than heroin. In fact, the
prescription painkiller, OxyContin, based on somewhat similar ingredients,
is considered one of the most addictive medications on the market.
But if you're with the right person, the cozy compounds that concoct Warm
Love create a "good addiction," helping to keep you happy together long
after your Hot Love peaks have petered out. Warm Love chemicals aren't just
a high; they're a health benefit, naturally strengthening your heart and
immune system. And yet, without that exhilaratingly giddy fizz of Hot Love,
you may feel you've fallen out of love. Have you?
Well, yes and no. It's natural to only feel Hot Love with your partner in
the beginning. Then, if you just go according to Nature's Plan, the
relationship evolves into Warm Love, never to scale the delightfully
dizzying summits of Hot Love again, or at least, not very often. Not that
all of us require multiple helpings of Hot Love throughout life. But without
it-even with plenty of Warm Love-most of us feel a bit empty and bored.
That's why so many people in genuinely "happy marriages" have affairs,
restlessly seeking that elusive Hot Love fix.
After all, the easiest way to experience Hot Love is with a new lover.
Novelty triggers PEA like the sun brings out the string bikinis. It may be
disturbing, but it's undeniably true: there is no aphrodisiac like fresh
meat.
But it's also possible to trick those mercurial Hot Love chemicals into
kicking in--if both you and your partner really want to--by adding new
elements to your old relationship.
Of course, you knew that already, didn't you? Every self-help sexpert and
romance hustler tells you to try new things. But do you actually do it? See,
that's the trick.
Sometimes all it takes is the simplest novelties: Surprising each other with
a sexy (but not appalling) new look or spending the weekend in a strange (
but not uncomfortable) locale. Yes indeed, these are some of the oldest
tricks in the book because they very often work, literally tricking your
nervous system into reacting as if "Wow! Something new is happening here! I'
m falling in love!" Your chemical soup is stirred, your heart beats fast and
fireworks explode, all with the same old sweetheart.
There are more exotic ways to fool Mother Nature into giving you a Hot Love
chemical shower. The following suggestions are easy enough to incorporate
into your relationship. They just require two very valuable commodities:
time and faith. Indeed, like the faith of a religious fundamentalist, you
have to allow yourself to be tricked into believing what you know to be
objectively false, i.e., "My wife of 20 years is a young, hot hooker" or "My
husband is really three guys and a bi chick, all of whom are after me."
Also, this stuff only works if you've already shared loads of Hot Love, at
least in the beginning of your relationship. Chemistry can't be conjured
from nothing. So with that caveat, the essential "suspension of disbelief"
and the willingness to put some real quality and quantity time into this
endeavor, let's give these tips a whirl:
1) Sharing Fantasies. Fantasy creates the feeling of novelty in the erotic
theater of your mind. Cynics have a hard time with this, of course. But even
cynics can be softies if the fantasy is compelling enough. Fantasies don't
have to be completely made up; some of us just don't have the imagination
for it. Sharing memories can be just as good or better than sharing totally
made-up stuff, especially if these are memories of Hot Love experiences you'
ve had together (your first kiss, your first sex). You can also share
memories mixed with fantasies. Remember that time you made love on the beach
? Or off that mountain path? Or under a blanket in the first class cabin of
that flight to Paris? That was exciting. Now what if someone was watching?
What if they joined in? Whew, I'm getting hot already...
2) Role-Playing. Take fantasies a little farther by dressing up, acting the
part, wearing masks, using props. You might even pretend to meet for the
first time, maybe in a bar. If you play it out and don't giggle too much, it
's amazing how easily your Hot Love button can be pushed even when you know
the sexy stranger with whom you're carrying on some serious flirtation is
really just your familiar old spouse.
3) Make Love First if You Want to Make Love Last. Make love a top priority--
or better yet, THE top priority--in your lives. If you've got a busy
schedule, you have to schedule sex. Make plans for love, Hot and Warm. But
remember: the best laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned! Be
open to the magical mysteries of surprise.
4) Chemical Combo. Give your lover a massage to activate Warm Love
endorphins as you whisper fantasies to kindle Hot Love amphetamines. Take a
scary roller coaster ride together to ignite Hot Love, then fall into a soft
Warm Love bed in a strange (but comfy) motel.
5) Try New Sexual Things. Sample sex toys. Watch porn. Look at erotic art.
Or maybe a good horror movie (fear can be an aphrodisiac). Go to a swing
party. You don't have to really "swing." You can go and just watch,
maintaining your monogamy, while voyeuristically experiencing the excitement
of multiple partners engaging in public sex. Try feeding each other oysters
, damiana, playing bondage games---the list of potential aphrodisiacs is
endless. Some are better than others, depending on your taste, your values
and your mood. Experiment. That's one way to fire up your PEA Bunsen burner.
But keep in mind that Hot Love chemicals are highly combustible. Things
that ignite them can also elicit feelings of paranoia, anger, jealousy and
embarrassment. Remember, a little bit of fear is like spice in your
enchilada. But too much fear spoils the meat. Don't let yourself become a
Hot Love junkie, oblivious to your partner's Warm Love needs. Take good care
of each other with lots of reassuring Warm Love when you undertake Hot Love
experimentation.
It's not easy to make true love that lasts more than three or four Valentine
's Days. It's a delicate chemical soufflé. If you can whip it up right, you
'll keep love and sex hot and warm your whole life long. Hey, it's worked
for me for the past 14 years, and I have high hopes - hell, I have FAITH,
Brothers & Sisters, Lovers & Sinners - that it will keeping working for
years to come. But if it doesn't work for you, if you can't make love last,
hey, you're only human. Forgive yourself. But never give up. Remember the
wise words of that horny old Victorian, William Makepeace Thackeray: "To
love and win is the best thing; to love and lose, the next best thing."
And if you need a little inspiration or stimulation, you can come to my
Valentine Saturday Night celebration where we'll have all of the above Hot
Love stimulators (except the roller coaster), and more. Come one, come all,
come with someone you love, even if that someone is you. | P*******l
发帖数: 4895 | 2 我觉得比较有趣的是，作者从科学的角度分析，
爱上一个人后，血液里就会流淌着一系列异常“生猛”的化学物质：Oxytocin、
endorphins、PEA等等，跟安非他命、兴奋剂和止痛剂的功效差不多，呵呵 | r*******e
发帖数: 140 | 3 好长，回头来看 ：)
【在 P*******l 的大作中提到】
: 我觉得比较有趣的是，作者从科学的角度分析，
: 爱上一个人后，血液里就会流淌着一系列异常“生猛”的化学物质：Oxytocin、
: endorphins、PEA等等，跟安非他命、兴奋剂和止痛剂的功效差不多，呵呵
| P*******l
发帖数: 4895 | 4 Rosabelle早 :)
【在 r*******e 的大作中提到】
: 好长，回头来看 ：)
| r*******e
发帖数: 140 | 5 瑟瑟早～
【在 P*******l 的大作中提到】
: Rosabelle早 :)
| h*****n
发帖数: 22 | 6 脑子里Oxytocin多的人，不但爱意会高， 也会非常开朗， 特别不怕陌生人。
BTW, Oxytocin也是FDA批准的药， 用于催产， 一年买10亿美金以上
【在 P*******l 的大作中提到】
: 我觉得比较有趣的是，作者从科学的角度分析，
: 爱上一个人后，血液里就会流淌着一系列异常“生猛”的化学物质：Oxytocin、
: endorphins、PEA等等，跟安非他命、兴奋剂和止痛剂的功效差不多，呵呵
| K***a
发帖数: 21 | 7 Hot love vs. Warm love的说法挺好的，
I think hot love is erotic, warm love is romantic
前者是后者的催化剂，我们强调warm love比较多
而忽视了hot love的重要性，情侣没有足够的hot love，是会出问题的
The
to
because I
it in
in
down the
【在 P*******l 的大作中提到】
: 今天早上看到的，写得蛮好，恰好快到情人节了，贴过来给大家看看
: By Dr. SUSAN BLOCK
: "The spiritualization of sexuality is called love," said Nietzche in The
: Twilight of the Idols, "It is a great triumph over Christianity." Not to
: mention every other organized religion.
: Sex is my obsession. Love is my religion. Sometimes I'm not sure if I
: believe in God. But I always believe in Love. I know love exists, because I
: can see it in my lover's eyes, I can hear it in his voice, I can feel it in
: his arms, I can smell it on the back of his neck, and I can taste love in
: his kiss. I love the physicality of love; it gives me faith, breaks down the
| P*******l
发帖数: 4895 | 8 对的，作者说得很好，
hot love is like being on hard drug，creating a place within you where
hormones meet holiness, wildflowers bloom, angels dance, and the city never
sleeps， but it's just too hot not to cool down
warm love is habit-forming，can last forever.
【在 K***a 的大作中提到】
: Hot love vs. Warm love的说法挺好的，
: I think hot love is erotic, warm love is romantic
: 前者是后者的催化剂，我们强调warm love比较多
: 而忽视了hot love的重要性，情侣没有足够的hot love，是会出问题的
:
: The
: to
: because I
: it in
: in
| u****t
发帖数: 474 | 9 hot love~~~~
yum~~
I
in
the
【在 P*******l 的大作中提到】
: 今天早上看到的，写得蛮好，恰好快到情人节了，贴过来给大家看看
: By Dr. SUSAN BLOCK
: "The spiritualization of sexuality is called love," said Nietzche in The
: Twilight of the Idols, "It is a great triumph over Christianity." Not to
: mention every other organized religion.
: Sex is my obsession. Love is my religion. Sometimes I'm not sure if I
: believe in God. But I always believe in Love. I know love exists, because I
: can see it in my lover's eyes, I can hear it in his voice, I can feel it in
: his arms, I can smell it on the back of his neck, and I can taste love in
: his kiss. I love the physicality of love; it gives me faith, breaks down the
| A*****h
发帖数: 693 | 10 love is like a religion. hot love is the idol and warm love is the
routine practice.
never
【在 P*******l 的大作中提到】
: 对的，作者说得很好，
: hot love is like being on hard drug，creating a place within you where
: hormones meet holiness, wildflowers bloom, angels dance, and the city never
: sleeps， but it's just too hot not to cool down
: warm love is habit-forming，can last forever.
|
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