V**y
发帖数: 788 | 1 ★ 有这样一份病历：今天天气暖洋洋，我随主任去查房，主任问病人怎么样，病
人说好，主任笑了，病人也笑了……
★ 一实习生在病历中描述：患者稍显苍老的头上缀着根根银丝……
★ 目前诊断明确，但是鉴于手术和后续治疗费用不菲，这对患者家庭的经济实力
是个严峻挑战。
★ 患者神志清，精神好，能吃能喝，切口长势喜人。
★ 一名实习生写的病历（适值夏天，患者告诉她，有一段时间不爱吃饭，只喝啤
酒）：患者一度以啤酒为生……
★ 主任查房，今天没有说什么……
★ 病人住院一个月，今日回家洗澡，故无法小结。
★ 病人今天想吃面条，吃了一碗又一碗。
★ 交班报告：今夜病房静悄悄。
★ 有一份病历写的是狗咬伤人：“人狗大战，狗胜……”
★ 今天我跟××主任查房。走进病房，主任站在病床左边，我站在右边。主任一
言不发，我也一言不发。
★ ××主任冒着漫天大雪，步入病房，紧紧握住病人的双手，问道：“老王，今
天好点儿了没有？”
★ 某实习医院进行教学查房，有一个学生在病历上写道：“××今天查房，什么
也没有说！”
★ 某实习生记录：“今日黄医生查房……指示……黄医生上述遗嘱已执行。”第
二天，该实习生被仍健在的黄医生狠狠地教训了一顿。
★ 术前小结：万事俱备，只欠手术。
★ 经典病历：今查房，症状同前，体查同前，治疗同前。
★ 抢救病人记录：×××主任三步并作两步冲到病人床前，当胸一拳…… （
驿路 荐）
|
L****n
发帖数: 12932 | |
A*******s
发帖数: 9638 | 3 你得请viky了：
她说， 你要是不笑偶，请客
你没笑她， 所以你请。
viky再请我，为什么就不要问了吧？
【在 L****n 的大作中提到】
: 请客吧， 没有笑。 @-@
|
f******w
发帖数: 10267 | |
s*******1
发帖数: 428 | 5 Hahaha，喜欢这个。
“ 今天我跟××主任查房。走进病房，主任站在病床左边，我站在右边。主任一
言不发，我也一言不发。”
和一个：She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.
想知道，你们都是怎么“混”过美国的住院医阶段的？偶还在门外，一直对自己的英语
没信心。 |
L****n
发帖数: 12932 | 6 hehe, i think you'll do just fine...you got the sense of humor.
was
【在 s*******1 的大作中提到】
: Hahaha，喜欢这个。
: “ 今天我跟××主任查房。走进病房，主任站在病床左边，我站在右边。主任一
: 言不发，我也一言不发。”
: 和一个：She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was
: very hot in bed last night.
: 想知道，你们都是怎么“混”过美国的住院医阶段的？偶还在门外，一直对自己的英语
: 没信心。
|
C*****D
发帖数: 1299 | 7 教你一快速学英语法:
没事瞎问. 只要有屁大事就打电话去问, 要买任何东西逮着营业人员瞎问.找秘书,
JANITOR, 瞎聊. 绝对比上语言学校好. 说多了就好了.要态度好能忽悠.
A male attending asked a female resident the diagnosis of penile lesion:
she said your penis is too hard for me. |
s*******1
发帖数: 428 | 8 多谢鼓励。有你这碗酒垫底，小弟去继续努力。
【在 L****n 的大作中提到】
: hehe, i think you'll do just fine...you got the sense of humor.
:
: was
|
s*******1
发帖数: 428 | 9 记住了，一定照着练。
【在 C*****D 的大作中提到】
: 教你一快速学英语法:
: 没事瞎问. 只要有屁大事就打电话去问, 要买任何东西逮着营业人员瞎问.找秘书,
: JANITOR, 瞎聊. 绝对比上语言学校好. 说多了就好了.要态度好能忽悠.
: A male attending asked a female resident the diagnosis of penile lesion:
: she said your penis is too hard for me.
|
V**y
发帖数: 788 | 10 关键是要长的俊(^_-)
was
【在 s*******1 的大作中提到】
: Hahaha，喜欢这个。
: “ 今天我跟××主任查房。走进病房，主任站在病床左边，我站在右边。主任一
: 言不发，我也一言不发。”
: 和一个：She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was
: very hot in bed last night.
: 想知道，你们都是怎么“混”过美国的住院医阶段的？偶还在门外，一直对自己的英语
: 没信心。
|
|
|
V**y
发帖数: 788 | 11 你的笑细泡一定是被麻醉鸟(°_°)
【在 L****n 的大作中提到】
: 请客吧， 没有笑。 @-@
|
V**y
发帖数: 788 | 12 皇上您不觉得最后一条很欢乐嘛？*\(^o^)/*
【在 A*******s 的大作中提到】
: 你得请viky了：
: 她说， 你要是不笑偶，请客
: 你没笑她， 所以你请。
: viky再请我，为什么就不要问了吧？
|
M***8
发帖数: 61 | 13 some more to share:
HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual notations from hospital charts).
1 . The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18.. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities |
D******e
发帖数: 1085 | 14 send these doctors to my English club or comedy club.
very
disappeared.
【在 M***8 的大作中提到】
: some more to share:
: HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual notations from hospital charts).
: 1 . The patient refused autopsy.
: 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
: 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
: 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
: hot in bed last night.
: 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
: 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
: 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
|
A*******s
发帖数: 9638 | 15 LOL!
【在 D******e 的大作中提到】
: send these doctors to my English club or comedy club.
:
: very
: disappeared.
|
A*******s
发帖数: 9638 | 16 Self-entertaining?
【在 V**y 的大作中提到】
: 皇上您不觉得最后一条很欢乐嘛？*\(^o^)/*
|
A*******s
发帖数: 9638 | 17 Has anyone ever tried adding IN BED at the end of those notes inside of
fortune cookies in the Chinese restaurant?
very
【在 M***8 的大作中提到】
: some more to share:
: HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual notations from hospital charts).
: 1 . The patient refused autopsy.
: 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
: 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
: 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
: hot in bed last night.
: 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
: 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
: 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
|
k***n
发帖数: 11247 | 18 geee.... it's worrying to see these records, are the medical workers
literate? |
f******w
发帖数: 10267 | 19 牛啊。。。。
very
disappeared.
【在 M***8 的大作中提到】
: some more to share:
: HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual notations from hospital charts).
: 1 . The patient refused autopsy.
: 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
: 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
: 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
: hot in bed last night.
: 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
: 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
: 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
|
A*******s
发帖数: 9638 | 20 They are just jokes.
【在 k***n 的大作中提到】
: geee.... it's worrying to see these records, are the medical workers
: literate?
|
|
|
S****v
发帖数: 478 | 21 读医学院时，诊断学老师讲的一个学生写的病历：
患者尿尿尿不出尿来３天 |
p**l
发帖数: 10 | 22 A note from prior resident:
Diagnosis: a boil between the balls. |
V**y
发帖数: 788 | 23 ★ 有这样一份病历：今天天气暖洋洋，我随主任去查房，主任问病人怎么样，病
人说好，主任笑了，病人也笑了……
★ 一实习生在病历中描述：患者稍显苍老的头上缀着根根银丝……
★ 目前诊断明确，但是鉴于手术和后续治疗费用不菲，这对患者家庭的经济实力
是个严峻挑战。
★ 患者神志清，精神好，能吃能喝，切口长势喜人。
★ 一名实习生写的病历（适值夏天，患者告诉她，有一段时间不爱吃饭，只喝啤
酒）：患者一度以啤酒为生……
★ 主任查房，今天没有说什么……
★ 病人住院一个月，今日回家洗澡，故无法小结。
★ 病人今天想吃面条，吃了一碗又一碗。
★ 交班报告：今夜病房静悄悄。
★ 有一份病历写的是狗咬伤人：“人狗大战，狗胜……”
★ 今天我跟××主任查房。走进病房，主任站在病床左边，我站在右边。主任一
言不发，我也一言不发。
★ ××主任冒着漫天大雪，步入病房，紧紧握住病人的双手，问道：“老王，今
天好点儿了没有？”
★ 某实习医院进行教学查房，有一个学生在病历上写道：“××今天查房，什么
也没有说！”
★ 某实习生记录：“今日黄医生查房……指示……黄医生上述遗嘱已执行。”第
二天，该实习生被仍健在的黄医生狠狠地教训了一顿。
★ 术前小结：万事俱备，只欠手术。
★ 经典病历：今查房，症状同前，体查同前，治疗同前。
★ 抢救病人记录：×××主任三步并作两步冲到病人床前，当胸一拳…… （
驿路 荐）
|
L****n
发帖数: 12932 | |
A*******s
发帖数: 9638 | 25 你得请viky了：
她说， 你要是不笑偶，请客
你没笑她， 所以你请。
viky再请我，为什么就不要问了吧？
【在 L****n 的大作中提到】
: 请客吧， 没有笑。 @-@
|
f******w
发帖数: 10267 | |
s*******1
发帖数: 428 | 27 Hahaha，喜欢这个。
“ 今天我跟××主任查房。走进病房，主任站在病床左边，我站在右边。主任一
言不发，我也一言不发。”
和一个：She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.
想知道，你们都是怎么“混”过美国的住院医阶段的？偶还在门外，一直对自己的英语
没信心。 |
L****n
发帖数: 12932 | 28 hehe, i think you'll do just fine...you got the sense of humor.
was
【在 s*******1 的大作中提到】
: Hahaha，喜欢这个。
: “ 今天我跟××主任查房。走进病房，主任站在病床左边，我站在右边。主任一
: 言不发，我也一言不发。”
: 和一个：She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was
: very hot in bed last night.
: 想知道，你们都是怎么“混”过美国的住院医阶段的？偶还在门外，一直对自己的英语
: 没信心。
|
C*****D
发帖数: 1299 | 29 教你一快速学英语法:
没事瞎问. 只要有屁大事就打电话去问, 要买任何东西逮着营业人员瞎问.找秘书,
JANITOR, 瞎聊. 绝对比上语言学校好. 说多了就好了.要态度好能忽悠.
A male attending asked a female resident the diagnosis of penile lesion:
she said your penis is too hard for me. |
s*******1
发帖数: 428 | 30 多谢鼓励。有你这碗酒垫底，小弟去继续努力。
【在 L****n 的大作中提到】
: hehe, i think you'll do just fine...you got the sense of humor.
:
: was
|
|
|
s*******1
发帖数: 428 | 31 记住了，一定照着练。
【在 C*****D 的大作中提到】
: 教你一快速学英语法:
: 没事瞎问. 只要有屁大事就打电话去问, 要买任何东西逮着营业人员瞎问.找秘书,
: JANITOR, 瞎聊. 绝对比上语言学校好. 说多了就好了.要态度好能忽悠.
: A male attending asked a female resident the diagnosis of penile lesion:
: she said your penis is too hard for me.
|
V**y
发帖数: 788 | 32 关键是要长的俊(^_-)
was
【在 s*******1 的大作中提到】
: Hahaha，喜欢这个。
: “ 今天我跟××主任查房。走进病房，主任站在病床左边，我站在右边。主任一
: 言不发，我也一言不发。”
: 和一个：She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was
: very hot in bed last night.
: 想知道，你们都是怎么“混”过美国的住院医阶段的？偶还在门外，一直对自己的英语
: 没信心。
|
V**y
发帖数: 788 | 33 你的笑细泡一定是被麻醉鸟(°_°)
【在 L****n 的大作中提到】
: 请客吧， 没有笑。 @-@
|
V**y
发帖数: 788 | 34 皇上您不觉得最后一条很欢乐嘛？*\(^o^)/*
【在 A*******s 的大作中提到】
: 你得请viky了：
: 她说， 你要是不笑偶，请客
: 你没笑她， 所以你请。
: viky再请我，为什么就不要问了吧？
|
M***8
发帖数: 61 | 35 some more to share:
HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual notations from hospital charts).
1 . The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18.. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities |
D******e
发帖数: 1085 | 36 send these doctors to my English club or comedy club.
very
disappeared.
【在 M***8 的大作中提到】
: some more to share:
: HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual notations from hospital charts).
: 1 . The patient refused autopsy.
: 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
: 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
: 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
: hot in bed last night.
: 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
: 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
: 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
|
A*******s
发帖数: 9638 | 37 LOL!
【在 D******e 的大作中提到】
: send these doctors to my English club or comedy club.
:
: very
: disappeared.
|
A*******s
发帖数: 9638 | 38 Self-entertaining?
【在 V**y 的大作中提到】
: 皇上您不觉得最后一条很欢乐嘛？*\(^o^)/*
|
A*******s
发帖数: 9638 | 39 Has anyone ever tried adding IN BED at the end of those notes inside of
fortune cookies in the Chinese restaurant?
very
【在 M***8 的大作中提到】
: some more to share:
: HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual notations from hospital charts).
: 1 . The patient refused autopsy.
: 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
: 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
: 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
: hot in bed last night.
: 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
: 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
: 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
|
k***n
发帖数: 11247 | 40 geee.... it's worrying to see these records, are the medical workers
literate? |
|
|
f******w
发帖数: 10267 | 41 牛啊。。。。
very
disappeared.
【在 M***8 的大作中提到】
: some more to share:
: HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual notations from hospital charts).
: 1 . The patient refused autopsy.
: 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
: 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
: 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
: hot in bed last night.
: 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
: 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
: 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
|
A*******s
发帖数: 9638 | 42 They are just jokes.
【在 k***n 的大作中提到】
: geee.... it's worrying to see these records, are the medical workers
: literate?
|
S****v
发帖数: 478 | 43 读医学院时，诊断学老师讲的一个学生写的病历：
患者尿尿尿不出尿来３天 |
p**l
发帖数: 10 | 44 A note from prior resident:
Diagnosis: a boil between the balls. |
