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发帖数: 8550 | 1 The SEC rule stipulates that CEOs set to receive bonuses between $1 and $5
million will be required to raise their eyebrows in feigned surprise. Those
who make between $5 and $10 million will have to smile uncomfortably and say
, "Yikes, that's a whole lot of simoleons," while executives receiving more
than seven figures must now audibly stammer, "It's, you know, I mean, ha!
What are you gonna do, you know?" before having the funds wired directly to
an offshore bank account.
CEOs making more than $50 million are legally obligated to just shut the
fuck up and get the hell out of everyone's face already.
"Main Street is finally getting the payback it deserves," Tea Party activist
Mark Williams said in response to the new policy. "Finally we'll have the
satisfaction of watching these guys nervously whistle and tap their fingers
on an armchair before taking billions and billions of dollars from the
struggling taxpayers who made it all possible."
The SEC claims the regulation will assure Americans who lost their homes and
jobs during the 2008 economic collapse that CEOs who take advantage of the
public will answer for their actions, whether by scratching awkwardly behind
their ear, or uttering, "Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. Is it hot in
here?"
Executives found to be in violation of the new rule will be expected to
apologize to the SEC within eight months of the failed shrug, pending
appeals. Overly comical shoulder shrugs clearly intended to mock the new
regulation will result in a $500 tax-deductible fine. |
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