M***e
发帖数: 5360 | 1 Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but
pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in
labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act
normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
希望不太old...笑了就给个包子吧... | M***e
发帖数: 5360 | 2 More
PREGNANCY Q & A
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be
beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about
this?
A. Your therapist.
Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and
genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as
well. Is this true?
A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.
Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my
feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during
pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.
Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman
and a Playboy centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good
for him.
Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me
in that delicate position?
A. Authorized personnel only---doctors, nurses, oderlies,
photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.
Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a
saucepan.
Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing, cold turkey.
Q. What is the grasp reflex?
A. The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's
breasts.
Q. Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A. Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her
breast and puts him to sleep first.
Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown
away?
A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global
chemical warfare.
Q. What causes baby blues?
A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.
Q. What is colic?
A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control | d*******m
发帖数: 194 | 3 hahaha~~
i will forward it to my husband
【在 M***e 的大作中提到】
: Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
: A: No, 35 children is enough.
: Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
: A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
: Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
: A: Childbirth.
: Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
: borderline irrational.
: A: So what's your question?
: Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but
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