c****r
发帖数: 815 | 1 虽然都是老生常谈了。。。
TOPIC:: Help! My Child Doesn't Listen. Positive Discipline Ideas.
How can we help our children behave? Each child needs to experiment and test
his own behavior within clearly defined limits. In other words, our
children are supposed to act out, talk back, and not listen – at least once
and most likely many times. That’s how they learn. Think about learning to
skate or ride a bike – you fall. Even after you’ve mastered skating and
biking, if you’re tired, you’re more likely to fall. It’s the same with
children and their behavior. Trying to figure out what they can and can’t
do, children often wonder, "How much can I get away with before someone
stops me?" Most children aren’t devious or even manipulative in a negative
sense. Children just want to learn the rules of life. Depending on their
temperament, our children may devoutly follow the rules, follow the rules
just enough to avoid consequences, or try to set their own rules.
1 Make sure your child gets enough sleep.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children should
consistently obtain at least 9 to 11 hours of sleep each night. When
children are even slightly sleep deprived, it not only negatively affects
their health, but it can also make it harder for them to control their
behavior.
2 Establish a routine.
A routine gives children a structure and environment that fosters feelings
of security, comfort, trust, and less anticipatory anxiety. They know what
to expect, feel more in control, and can learn more easily. Routines give
children a better understanding of their world and how they are expected to
function in it.
Have clear, specific rules of acceptable behavior.
It sounds silly, but we often don’t tell our children the rules. "We’re
not buying anything at the store, except groceries. Please don’t ask."
3 Be consistent.
Children understand cause and effect. If we are inconsistent in certain
situations, regardless of our intention, our children will learn that their
inappropriate behavior is the way to get what they want. Nothing is more
important than consistency.
4 Avoid at all cost: "No, No, No, No, No. Yes."
"No, no, yes," just teaches children to hold out to get their way. So does
putting up with crying until we can’t stand it and then giving in.
5 Stop what you are doing, and go to your child.
Put down the phone, stop the car, ask the hundred shoppers behind you to
wait, or come out of the shower dripping wet, dressed in a towel and covered
in soap. When you stop what you are doing and go to your child, you are
acknowledging the inappropriate behavior when it happens and correcting your
child immediately following his actions.
6 Speak to your child at eye-level.
For young children this usually requires getting down on your knees, leaning
over, or sitting on the floor. For older children, having both of you sit
down is the best method, on the floor or in chairs, whatever is convenient.
7 Validate your child’s feelings.
When your child has misbehaved, let him know that you understand or you are
trying to understand how he feels. Validate his emotions or intentions. "I
know you wanted the toy, but your sister was playing with it."
8 Speak in a normal tone of voice.
When you are upset with your child, try not to yell or raise your voice.
Use a positive, firm, natural tone of voice. In simple terms, explain to
your child what he did wrong. He may not know. Instead of "You made a mess,"
say, "You took all of Mom’s books off the shelf."
9 Offer your child choices when possible.
Give your child a choice between two activities that you propose. "It’s
time to eat dinner. Do you want to put your seat beside your sister or me?"
10 Redirect your child.
Guide your child to a new activity, and he can no longer do what he wants to
do. "You can build with blocks. You can’t play with blocks if you throw
them. You can throw a ball."
11 Have logical consequences for inappropriate behavior.
Don’t allow your child to continue doing what he wants to do unless he does
it appropriately. "You can write on paper. You cannot use the markers if
you write on the walls."
12 Follow through.
If you tell your child that there will be a particular consequence for an
inappropriate action, follow through.
When your young child is having a tantrum, remember that she is still
learning to control her emotions and actions. Admit it, there have been
several occasions when we wanted to lay down at the checkout aisle of the
grocery store and kick and scream. Most of us just haven’t done it yet.
Lastly, don’t beat yourself up when you violate all these guidelines.
Perfect parenting is rare. Children are children and parents are parents, so
do the best you can; don’t give up; and they just might grow up fine. (And
those other children that look perfect – just might not.) | x*****i
发帖数: 4035 | 2 zan. it's good to review these often
test
once
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【在 c****r 的大作中提到】
: 虽然都是老生常谈了。。。
: TOPIC:: Help! My Child Doesn't Listen. Positive Discipline Ideas.
: How can we help our children behave? Each child needs to experiment and test
: his own behavior within clearly defined limits. In other words, our
: children are supposed to act out, talk back, and not listen – at least once
: and most likely many times. That’s how they learn. Think about learning to
: skate or ride a bike – you fall. Even after you’ve mastered skating and
: biking, if you’re tired, you’re more likely to fall. It’s the same with
: children and their behavior. Trying to figure out what they can and can’t
: do, children often wonder, "How much can I get away with before someone
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