v********d
发帖数: 3531 | 1 Tracy McMillan is a TV writer whose credits include Mad Men and The United
States of Tara. Her memoir I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway is now
available in paperback from Harper Collins/It Books. She lives in Los
Angeles with her 13-year-old son. Follow her on Twitter.
你没有结婚 排名前10位的原因
1. 你是一个来势汹汹的女人
2。你浅薄。
3. 你是一个荡妇。
4. 你是个骗子。
5. 你自私。
6. 你还不够好。
底线是，婚姻仅仅是一个长期的实践机会，爱好的人，甚至当他们这样做不值得。因为大部分时间，你的凌乱，放屁，通心粉和奶酪吃的人不会做你想要他。但是，你给他反正爱 - 因为你已经决定了你的头脑转变成自己一个人，谁是执业仁慈，深的，良性的，真实的，给予，而最重要的是，接受自己亲爱的自我 - 你会发现，你会体验到的东西，你想一直 love all the time.：
You want to get married. It's taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud
-- even in your mind -- feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of
definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize. Because you
're hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would
never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor.
You've never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box.
Then, something happened. Another birthday, maybe. A breakup. Your brother's
wedding. His wife-elect asked you to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there
you were, wondering how in hell you came to be 36-years-old, walking down
the aisle wearing something halfway decent from J. Crew that you could
totally repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket. You started
to hate the bride -- she was so effing happy -- and for the first time ever
you began to have feelings about the fact that you're not married. You never
really cared that much before. But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found
yourself wondering... Deep, deep breath... Why you're not married.
Well, I know why.
How? It basically comes down to this: I've been married three times. Yes,
three. To a very nice MBA at 19; a very nice minister's son at 32 (and
pregnant); and at 40, to a very nice liar and cheater who was just like my
dad, if my dad had gone to Harvard instead of doing multiple stints in
federal prison.
I was, for some reason, born knowing how to get married. Growing up in
foster care is a big part of it. The need for security made me look for very
specific traits in the men I dated -- traits it turns out lead to marriage
a surprisingly high percentage of the time. Without really trying to, I've
become a sort of jailhouse lawyer of relationships -- someone who's had to
do so much work on her own case that I can now help you with yours.
But I won't lie. The problem is not men, it's you. Sure, there are lame men
out there, but they're not really standing in your way. Because the fact is
-- if whatever you're doing right now was going to get you married, you'd
already have a ring on it. So without further ado, let's look at the top six
reasons why you're not married.
1. You're a Bitch.
Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think
you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of
therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At
your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's
scaring men off.
The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am
the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell
protozoa version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life:
macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen
Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile,
wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems
unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to
get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear
and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife.
2. You're Shallow.
When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters:
character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the
top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not
married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of
character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by
definition, willing to commit.
Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows
what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife.
This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to
marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never
feel like cooking, either.
3. You're a Slut.
Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of
Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means
, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships,
you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like
recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long.
That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin -- a bonding hormone that
is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm -- that
will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be f**k-buddying
with some dude who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know,
you're totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened.
Oxytocin, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate
between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you're going to have to start
being way more selective than you are right now.
4. You're a Liar.
It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes
you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition
that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets
around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says
something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available
for a relationship right now."
You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he
will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just
tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You
love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You
swear!
About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But
you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000
of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him,
waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news:
he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you
just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place.
5. You're Selfish.
If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think
about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about
your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher
training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at
least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems.
Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her
day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after
having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands
after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not
all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other
than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides
to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want
is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood
has a way of weeding out the lotharios.
6. You're Not Good Enough.
Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a
partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better
looking, better family, better job.
Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not
understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who
don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a
while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love
yourself. Smart men know this.
I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six
have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure.
They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their
character, not their cup size.
Alright, so that's the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman
who wants to can find a great partner. You're just going to need to get rid
of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial
high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.
Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about
giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because
for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a
free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy
so universal, it built Disneyland.
The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice
loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time,
your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what
you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up
your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind,
deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own
dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you
wanted all along: | L*****s
发帖数: 24744 | | c*******d
发帖数: 1763 | 3 我觉得说得挺好的，值得有所反思。不过每个人对marriage life, personal life,
professional life的想法不竞相同，她说的不适和每个人。
【在 v********d 的大作中提到】
: Tracy McMillan is a TV writer whose credits include Mad Men and The United
: States of Tara. Her memoir I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway is now
: available in paperback from Harper Collins/It Books. She lives in Los
: Angeles with her 13-year-old son. Follow her on Twitter.
: 你没有结婚 排名前10位的原因
: 1. 你是一个来势汹汹的女人
: 2。你浅薄。
: 3. 你是一个荡妇。
: 4. 你是个骗子。
: 5. 你自私。
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