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发帖数: 1648 | 3 Dangerous Parenting Advice From Abraham Piper
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
SUNNY SHELL
In my last post, I shared why I no longer follow John Piper and "Desiring
God" ministry, but I continue to love him, pray for him, the ministry, and
anyone who's following them, to practice discernment and test everything
from anyone (including me of course) with the Word of God, which alone is
perfect.
What motivated me to share this is my love for God, His Word and for my
fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who have been misled by the a recent
resurgence of an article written by John Piper's, once prodigal son (now
believer in Christ), Abraham, regarding 12 ways parents of prodigals can
love their children to the Lord Jesus Christ.
I found this article years ago, and agreed with some of it, and disagreed
with much of it as it contained quite a bit of worldly psychology and little
Scriptural foundation for how parents of prodigals ought to shepherd their
children's heart toward repentance and faith in Christ.
Up until the other day, I hadn't really thought much about it, until it
resurfaced in social media and was re-printed in Billy Graham's "Decision
Magazine", First Boynton and mentioned on Christianity Today's interview
with John Piper in March of 2012; with which many are sharing links to these
sites and passing this I'm sure, well-meaning, yet dangerous advice to
parents (like me) who have prodigals. It's dangerous because it has just
enough truth sprinkled in that if a Christian is not on guard, they will be
deceived into believing the hollow, worldly philosophies that are shared in
this article.
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether
they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world...
Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the
word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these
things were so.
~1 John 4:1, Acts 17:11
I want to assure all of you that I have nothing personal against John Piper,
his son Abraham, or the Desiring God ministry.
Truly, the sole purpose and heart of this post is to demonstrate my utter
gratitude to God Most High for the gift of Christ, salvation found only in
Him, His love, grace and mercy that made me His child and for the deep love
I have for my brothers and sisters in Christ with whom I am bound to, in God
's love, through His Holy Spirit.
Abraham Piper's article (12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child) is making it's
way around the internet, into homes and unfortunately, into the hearts of
well-meaning and heart-broken parents of prodigals who are desperate to find
ways to help their child to know Christ as Lord and Savior.
Though I believe Abraham Piper wrote this with altruistic intentions, that
doesn't trump biblical teaching or release any of God's children from being
obedient to God's Word first; for to our heavenly Father, this is love (1
John 5:3).
When we are not careful to test everything with the Word of God no matter
who is speaking, we jeopardize our training in righteousness and participate
in misleading others away from biblical parenting and help draw them to
sentimental vanity—mere chasing after the wind.
My husband and I know this all too well, as we have a prodigal and it's
already heartbreaking enough to have one, but Abraham Piper's article does
more to give fuel to the fire of a prodigal's heart rather than allow their
heart to be reconciled to God, through repentance and faith in Christ. And
you don't have to take my word for it. Click the photo (on right) of what
our youngest and wayward son, who we dearly love, wrote in regards to his
thoughts on Abraham Piper's article.
Unfortunately, Abraham Piper's article mirrors Dr. Spock and other worldly
psychologist who advise parents not to say anything "negative" to their
children; just praise them for good behavior and they'll naturally begin to
implement good morals into their lives; though God says, the only natural
inclination any of us have is to sin until we have our sins illuminated for
us with the light of the Gospel of Jesus Christ (Rom 7:7).
"The law of the LORD is perfect,reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD
is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right,
rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the
eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the LORD
are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb."
~Psalm 19:7-10
Below are Abraham Piper's 12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child and my comments
regarding each step.
Point them to Christ: Agreed because of Deut 6:5-9, Eph 6:4.
Pray: Agreed because of 1 Thess 5:17.
Acknowledge something is wrong: Agreed because of Job 32:21-22; Prov 3:11-12
, 6:20-23, 13:24, 19:18, 26:28; Ps 94:8-15; John 8:31-32. Never lie or
flatter your children...or really, anyone for that matter, for both lying
and flattering are sins and all professing Christians ought to abstain from
practicing both.
Don't expect them to be Christlike: Semi-agree. If you've raised your child
as you ought, in the love and discipline of the Lord (Eph 6:4) and at some
point in their lives (much like Abraham Piper and our sons) they confess
Christ as Lord, then you should expect them to behave Christlike, as we are
commanded to do with all believers (Col 1:9-10). But should they, later in
life (like Abraham Piper and our youngest son) confess they are only a false
convert, then yes, you should no longer expect them to be Christlike, but
as Christian parents, your love and devotion is to Christ first, therefore
your household (that may include believers and unbelievers) ought honor God
by adhering to God's precepts for a Christian home (Joshua 24:15). Remember
, you're responsible to God Almighty first, and you will have to answer to
Him about how you did or did not uphold His standard for your family (2 Cor
5:9-10).
Welcome them home: Here Abraham Piper says that parents of prodigals ought
to welcome, condone and cover their child's wicked and sinful behavior, "If
your daughter stinks like weed or an ashtray, spray her jacket with Febreeze
and change the sheets when she leaves, but let her come home...If your son
is broke because he spent all the money you lent him on loose women and
ritzy liquor, then forgive his debt as you've been forgiven...and let him
come home. If he hasn't been around for a week and a half because he's been
staying at his girlfriend's—or boyfriend's apartment, urge them not to go
back, and let him come home."
I'm sure Abraham Piper meant well, but to advise a Christian parent to
simply "let them come home", with no word of wise instruction, reprove or
rebuke (when necessary), but just "cover up" their sins and harbor their
wicked lifestyle in the comfort and protection of your home, completely
defies God's word and instruction on how to parent (Deut 6:5-9, Matt 10:37,
Prov 22:6, Ps 94:12, Prov 5:21-23, 19:18, 29:17).
Rather than encourage parents to adhere to God's biblical model that
commands a parent to: reveal why your child's participation in wickedness is
destroying them, and because you love them, you beg them to stop and can't
condone it by giving them a "cover" in which to continue (for though you
forgive them for wasting your money on lascivious and debased living), you'
ll give them an opportunity to work to pay back the money to teach them what
God tells us to teach them: What they reap, they will sow and those who do
not work, should not eat (Gal 6:7-8, 2 Thess 3:10).
God never commands His children to condone or simply "cover up" sin, rather
we are commanded to lovingly, compassionately and truthfully confront it (
Eph 5:7-11), especially with those we claim to love. According to God, to
do what Abraham Piper suggests here, is displaying hatred towards your child
as you condone and harbor their sinful lifestyle with the deceptive
ideology of love, according to this world and not according to God.
Plead with them more than you rebuke them: "She probably knows—especially
if she was raised as a Christian—that what she's doing is wrong. And she
definitely knows you think it is, so she doesn't need this pointed out...
Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do
trust Jesus." Completely disagree. Just because someone is raise in a
Christian home doesn't automatically mean they agree with God's definition
of right or wrong (which is often the reason they reject the Lord [John 7:7,
Prov 15:5, 18:2]), therefore doesn't already know or recognize when they're
in error or sin.
This is why loving Christian parents need restrain their prodigal child's
foolishness by faithfully, lovingly, compassionately and patiently teaching
them truth from error (2 Tim 2:24-26, Heb 12:11) in accordance with God's
Word to prove it's God's definition of right and wrong, and not the parents;
that way, whether or not they want to dispute it, you can lean on the Lord
and simply answer, "As you can see for yourself, this is what God says about
this matter. If you have a problem with it, take it up with Him, not me." (
Ps 40:1-2, Prov 3:5-8). Remember, open rebuke is better than hidden love (
Prov 27:5), and faithfully speaking painful truths to your rebellious child
is what God says is good and trustworthy (Prov 27:6).
Connect them to other believers. Semi-agree...again. Abraham Piper writes: "
Obviously, you are distant from your wayward child; otherwise you wouldn't
think they're wayward. This is another reason why pleading is better than
rebuking—your relationship with your rebellious child is tenuous and should
be protected if at all possible. But rebuke is still necessary. A lot of
rebellious kids would do well to hear that they're being fools, but you're
probably not the one to tell them. Try to keep other Christians in their
lives and trust God to connect your son or daughter with a believer who can
point out your child's folly without getting the door slammed on them."
It's just as inaccurate to say that a parent of a prodigal is distant from
their child, as it is to assume that simply because parents are close to
their children their children must not be wayward; that's just nonsense...I
know, I have a rebellious child (I'll share more about that later). As we
covered, pleading rather than reproving or rebuking your children is not a
biblical precept, but rather a worldly, feel-good ruse that supports lazy
parenting and deceives well-meaning parents into believing that all praise
with no sage produces a humble and repentant heart that submits to the
authority and Lordship of the Son of God, Jesus, the Christ.
While I'm delighted to hear that Abraham agrees rebuke is necessary, it's
completely unbiblical and emasculating to tell parents they ought not assert
their God-given authority and obey God's command for every Christian parent
to disciple (which includes rebuke) their own children. I believe this
worldly philosophy is one of the greatest stimulants for lazy, unbiblical
parenting and the reason why Christian families don't seem to fair much
better than those of this world's.
I'm not saying that having godly influence from outside of your family is
not beneficial, I'm saying that to advise parents to solely rely on outside
influence is both foolish and unbiblical. Furthermore, to say they ought
rather "trust God to connect your son or daughter with a believer who can
point out your child's folly" implies a parent who actually asserts their
God-given authority over their children, are distrusting God. This only
creates more heartache and confusion than it helps.
Respect their friends. Very partially agree. "Of course your daughter's
relationships are founded on sin. And, yes, her friends are bad for her. But
she's bad for them, too. And nothing will be solved by making it evident
that you don't like who she's hanging around with. Be hospitable. Her
friends are someone else's wayward children, and they need Jesus, too." The
word "respect" in the verb form (as used here in Abraham's statement), means
to esteem or hold in high honor; or to show regard or consideration for. So
, I agree that parents should show regard or consideration, that is, the
love of Christ (which can't be severed from truth since God is love and God
is truth [1 John 4:8, John 14:6]). But I disagree with this statement if
Abraham means what I've seen many parents erroneously practice...showing
honor to their children's friends who are disrespectful, wayward children
themselves.
I agree with Abraham that parents should be hospitable, but it should never
be for the purpose of palliating the sinful lifestyle of a rebellious child
and their rebellious friends, rather it ought to be to demonstrate the
awesome and high love of God that bears all things, but doesn't condone all
things—namely, sin. Because God is holy and righteous, and has imputed the
righteousness of Christ to all who've repented and believed in the only Son
of God, we, as Christian parents must also behave in holiness and
righteousness by loving our children and their friends enough to strongly
warn them about their destructive behavior and how, without Christ, all they
've lived, loved and worked for will come to nothing but ruin and despair (
Gal 6:7-8).
Let me put it to you this way. If you saw your wayward child and their
friends walking through a beautiful mountain meadow, and since you've walked
that path, you knew there was a hidden 50,000 foot drop within a few yards
of where they were, wouldn't you run towards them, shouting "Stop! Stop! You
're going to get hurt! You're going to die if you keep going in that
direction!" Or would you simply say to yourself, "Well, they sure seem to be
enjoying what their doing and I'm sure either someone else will strongly
warn them or they will just figure it out for themselves."
E-mail them. Agree with two things and disagree with the rest. "When you
read something in the Bible that encourages you and helps you love Jesus
more, write it up in a couple of lines and send it to your child. The best
exhortation—better than any correction—is for them to see Christ's joy in
your life. Don't stress out when you're composing these as if each one needs
to be singularly powerful. Just whip them out and let the cumulative effect
of your satisfaction in God gather up in your child's inbox. God's Word is
never useless." I agree that you should use every form of communication God
has provided you to reach your rebellious child for Christ. But let us move
towards rightly understanding how God defines exhortation. In Acts 2:40, 1
Thess 3:2, 2 Tim 4:2, Titus 2:15 and Heb 3:13 and in Eph 6:22, Col 4:8, 1
Thess 5:11 the Greek word used for both 'exhort' and 'encourage' is from the
Greek word παρακαλεο (transliteration: parakaleó) which means to:
call near, beseech, intreat. The dictionary.com definition for exhort is
along the same lines: to urge, advise, or caution earnestly; admonish
urgently or to give urgent advice, recommendations, or warnings.
As you can see neither the original Greek word parakaleó or the common
dictionary definition for the word 'exhort' coincides with Abraham Piper's
usage of the word in this statement, "the best exhortation—better than any
correction..." Like many in the church today, Abraham seems to think one can
exhort without giving correction, when the clear definition of exhort is
exactly: To urge those who are wayward to turn from their error and call
them near for the purpose of repentance, that is, to cease from doing what
is evil and turn to what is good. Encourage means the same thing: To instill
the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty,
danger, pain, etc., without fear.
I think one of the biggest problems we have in the church, is that for far
too long God's children have accepted the connotations of words our
heavenly Father uses to teach and train us in all righteousness, rather than
be students of the Word and test Scripture with Scripture so that we can
rightly understand and handle the Sword of the Spirit (Jer 9:23-24, 2 Tim 2:
15).
Based on the actual meaning of these words (exhort and encourage), it would
be foolish for any Christian to agree with the connotations of these words
and desire to instill their wayward children to continue on their path of
destruction without fear.
Take them to lunch. Mostly agree. I agree with pretty much everything
Abraham shares on this point, except for his erroneous assumption that every
prodigal is feeling guilty or ashamed about living a life that displeases
and separates him/her from God and that a face-to-face meeting is more
uncomfortable for your child because of this assumed guilt that many
prodigals do not actually possess. One of the many reasons some rebellious
children do not feel shame or guilt is because they're too busy reveling in
their sin and disagree with you that it is wrong or destructive behavior.
However, as God's dearly loved children, I absolutely agree that we ought
not allow our only interactions with anyone we love to solely be through
social media. Face-to-face gatherings are becoming obsolete in our fast-
paced, lazy and self-made worlds where we not only believe our own press,
but we think everyone else does too. Relationships are hard work and they
need to be cultivated with the genuine love of Christ and earnest effort to
personally meet with, demonstrate love and encourage one another.
"For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to
strengthen you—that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's
faith, both yours and mine."
~Romans 1:11-12
Take an interest in their pursuits. "Odds are that if your daughter is
purposefully rejecting Christ, then the way she spends her time will
disappoint you...Jesus spent time with tax collectors and prostitutes, and
He wasn't even related to them. Imitate Christ by being the kind of parent
who will put some earplugs in your pocket and head downtown to where your
daughter's CD release show is." While Abraham Piper's first statement is
true, his advise for parents to participate and support their rebellious
child's godless activities are not condoned by God (Eph 5:11, Jude 1:23, Rom
16:19). Also his second statement (that's sadly become a popular, yet
unbiblical saying within the church) is close to blaspheming the holy
character of Christ.
Jesus never spent time with unrepentant sinners, and more specifically,
while their were engaging in their sin (e.g., Jesus did not take a seat next
to Matthew while he was collecting taxes, rather the Lord called Matthew
away from his sinful practice, to follow Him [Matt 9:9]; Jesus did not
attend a harlot's gathering, rather He forgave repentant adulterous women
who fell at He's feet and then commanded them to "sin no more" [John 4:10-26
and 39, 8:9-11], etc.). In fact all throughout Scripture God is clear, He
gives grace to humbled and repentant hearts while He opposes the prideful
heart that calls good evil and evil good as they continue to live godless
lives, without restraint.
"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands
in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is
in the law of the LORD, and on His law he meditates day and night."
~Psalm 1:1-2
Point them to Christ. Wholeheartedly and joyfully agree because of: Romans 1
:16-11; 2 Cor 4:16-18; Gal 6:7-10; Philippians 2:3, 17; 1 Tim 1:5; 1 Peter 4
:7-11.
Abraham Piper wisely points out why we, as parents of prodigals share the
Gospel of Christ, love and exhort our wayward children: For their eternal
salvation alone, and not so they are no longer an embarrassment to you or
others in your family.
Loving someone with God's love is never for any kind of self-gain or self-
comfort, but purely to draw the greatest benefit for those you love—a
saving faith in Christ Jesus the Lord (2 Cor 13:5; James 2:14; 1 John 4:1, 6
, 5:3-5, 13).
May God's grace and peace be with you all as you seek to love Christ over
all else, even your children...wayward or not.
"Whoever loves father and mother more than Me is not worthy of Me, and
whoever loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me."
~Matthew 10:37 |
