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发帖数: 6523 | 1 SIMPLE STEPS TO HELP STOP THE SPREAD OF HATRED IN YOUR WORLD
by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
Every day we can see new evidence of the growing hatred in the world. You
just can't listen to the news without being reminded that there is turmoil
and hostility everywhere...and that simple disputes get out of control and,
in the blink of an eye, turn into major battles. It seems to me that both in
our own lives and throughout the world, we haven't learned the art of
seeing other people's point of view. Instead, we turn too quickly to hating
those who don't agree with us. We witness it all the time between countries,
religions, politicians, and all the way down to neighbors, family members,
sports fans, and on and on and on.
On my own path of self-discovery, I started to search in my own mind why at
times I was driven to intense anger. And what I could do to control the
growth of my anger for someone across the room or for those across the world
whose ideas I didn't agree with and, in truth, I didn't fully understand.
Ultimately I came up with a number of ways to help myself feel more loving
whether I agreed with others or not! Let me share a few of these ideas with
you.
1. Remember that there are two sides to every story. Step back from your own
position, usually very firmly held, and take a closer look as to why the
other person feels as he/she does. You may never agree, but at least you
will have a better understanding. And, who knows? There may be some elements
of his/her beliefs that you do agree with. One of the most moving songs I
have ever heard that illustrates this important principle is aptly titled
Both Sides of the Story by Phil Collins. (Click here to listen) I listen to
this song often and it always brings tears to my eyes and opens my heart.
2. Stop yourself from overreacting. All of us at times speak or act before
we think. Rushing to judgment can be a terrible mistake. So next time,
instead of reacting instantly, take a step back, pick up the mirror, and ask
yourself, "Why am I reacting this way?" You will be amazed at how different
the outcome could be if you just stop to think and reappraise the situation
. It is at such times when you remember that there truly are "both sides of
the story."
3. Improve your communication. All of us have a lot to learn when it comes
to communicating clearly, and I would add to this, communicating sensitively
. Make your case or argument as clearly as you can, but be mindful of the
other side's point of view. It will be easier to compromise when you
understand the other person's point of view.
4. Handle your fear. Fear underlies so many of our negative actions and
reactions...which is why I was so motivated to write Feel the Fear and Do It
Anyway® and Embracing Uncertainty. Learning to handle your fear will
empower you to act in a more balanced and caring manner when you find
yourself in a confrontational situation. Feelings of power and love abound
where you might otherwise lash out and create a feeling of hatred toward
others.
5. Learn to forgive...yourself and others. True forgiveness will create such
a wonderful healing for you since it opens your heart and allows a wave of
compassion to sweep over you. Zig Ziglar gave us this brilliant insight..."
Every obnoxious act is a cry for help." Wow! Whether it is you or someone
else behaving badly, it is likely that pain lies within. It is time for
compassion.
6. Make the "I love you" exercise a part of your life. I have presented this
exercise in a number of my books as I have found it so effective in my own
life. I discovered it one day as I was feeling angry at someone I dearly
loved. Instead of lashing out, I kept repeating to myself, "I love you, I
love you, I love you." It didn't take long for the anger to dissipate and
love filled my heart. Amazing! I began repeating these words to myself any
time I felt any negativity toward anyone in my life...including those I was
watching on the news...who were making me angry. Again, I felt my heart open
so that I was better able to hear and understand what was being said. So
your job now is to focus on the person or people you would most like to "hit
in the face" and, in your mind, repeat over and over and over again the
words..."I love you, I love you, I love you." These magical words mean so
much. They encapsulate the essence of all the other tools above. Just saying
these words to yourself over and over again as you focus on your adversary,
ultimately defuses some or all the anger you are holding. Magical, indeed!
These are just a few of the tools I have been gathering and using over time,
and I definitely have gained greater peace of mind. I react more calmly and
with less judgment to situations that would in the past have made me very
angry. Another bonus is that I am also learning a lot by really listening
more carefully to others. My world has certainly expanded. I also feel more
peaceful as so much of the stress has been taken out of my way of seeing the
world.
I suggest that you join me and see if these simple tools work for you.
Little by little, we could all be part of a critical mass that can defuse
and diminish the level of hatred around the world. Each of us can contribute
to this critical mass by a simple adjustment of our attitudes towards
others. You never know...it could start a landslide of goodwill that spreads
all around the globe! With the advent of the internet, this is no longer an
impossibility!!!
From my heart to yours,
Susan Jeffers
Copyright © 2011 Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. All rights reserved. | s********h
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