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_Queer版 - How to Survive a Gay Men Dating(zz) (转载)
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1 (共1页)
p**s
发帖数: 1891
1
【 以下文字转载自 Rainbow 讨论区 】
发信人: newtenant (日安), 信区: Rainbow
标 题: How to Survive a Gay Men Dating(zz)
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Fri May 27 13:26:57 2011, 美东)
Read this book!
It is a first book of this kind in Singapore and can be read on line at
http://www.oogachaga.com/gaymendatingguide
or downloaded as a pdf from
http://www.oogachaga.com/files/gaydating24FebLR.pdf
The following excerpted from the guide:
gay relationship: myths versus facts
You may have been conditioned by society and the media to accept what
one should expect in a gay relationship. In fact, many gay relationships
do not end in heartbreak and tragedy, a la Brokeback Mountain. Here are
some commonly held myths that we think should be busted.
Myth One: There must be a top and bottom in a gay relationship.
Not true. Don’t worry if you think your date doesn’t fit the mold—a
relationship can work outside of the traditional dominant-submissive
model. Part of the joy of being gay is the fluidity and flexibility
that comes with how you define yourself in a relationship. Of course,
you may prefer playing a particular sexual role in bed, but remember
that all relationships are unique and may evolve over time. Don’t be
afraid of seeing someone you ordinarily won’t think of dating - it just
might work!
Myth Two: Gay relationships don’t last.
While being in a gay relationship in Singapore presents its challenges,
there are many gay couples who have withstood the test of time. Getting
involved in gay support groups is an excellent way of meeting people in
long-term relationships. Seek their advice. And hey, look at how many
famous gay couples there are out there: Elton John and David Furnish,
Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka, the list goes on. Take heart!
Myth Three: Gay relationships are doomed to fail because gays are
promiscuous.
Monogamy is an issue which should be discussed frankly with your partner
early in the relationship. Some healthy relationships are sustained on
the mutual understanding that sexual liaisons with other people may
happen. On the other hand, you and your partner may choose to remain
monogamous because it is important to you. Again, each and every
relationship is different. Trust and open communication with your
partner will result in a committed and happy union.
know yourself first
1. Your motivations Before you do anything, ask yourself this first: why
get into a relationship? Do you wish to find someone to care about? Or
someone to care for you? Or a sexy dance partner to show off to your
friends? Asking yourself this question is important. You will realise
this influences the kind of guys you search for and prevent yourself
from aimlessly moving around, like driftwood, from partner to partner.
2. Your values and beliefsUnderstanding your own sexuality, values and
boundaries is important. Some people can accept an open relationship,
some cannot. Some are more adventurous and liberal and want a polygamous
relationship. Are you a gay man with strong religious belief and is
trying to come to terms with your identity? How open are you regarding
your own sexuality? A couple with different comfort level with sexuality
may face different stresses. Some gay people may even have a negative
perception of gay relationships! If you are one of them, this severely
reduces the odds of you entering into a stable, healthy relationship. Do
consider talking to a professional if you have serious issues long
overdue.
1. Your motivations
Before you do anything, ask yourself this first: why get into a
relationship? Do you wish to find someone to care about? Or someone to
care for you? Or a sexy dance partner to show off to your friends?
Asking yourself this question is important. You will realise this
influences the kind of guys you search for and prevent yourself from
aimlessly moving around, like driftwood, from partner to partner.
2. Your values and beliefs
Understanding your own sexuality, values and boundaries is important.
Some people can accept an open relationship, some cannot. Some are more
adventurous and liberal and want a polygamous relationship. Are you a
gay man with strong religious belief and is trying to come to terms with
your identity? How open are you regarding your own sexuality? A couple
with different comfort level with sexuality may face different stresses.
Some gay people may even have a negative perception of gay
relationships! If you are one of them, this severely reduces the odds of
you entering into a stable, healthy relationship. Do consider talking to
a professional if you have serious issues long overdue.
3. Your type
Some gay people have a list. They want their potential partners to be
handsome, rich, and muscular. What is your list? It doesn’t matter if
skin-deep qualities are the most important to you – as long as you admit
it to yourself. Relationship counsellors advise writing down a list of
qualities you find attractive in a potential partner (ranging from
things like height, build, ethnicity to personality, demeanor and his
family life). Doing so will clarify things for yourself, and help you to
stay focused in your search for an ideal mate.
finding out if a guy is gay
You might want to develop a friendship first, since his sexuality is
unknown. Start with inviting him to do buddy things – a movie, pool, or
a game of Wii. Don’t seduce him. As your friendship develops, you’ll
develop a mutual trust for each other. Thereafter you can broach the
topic of sexuality.
Be vague at first – point out to him issues like gay marriage, gay
people serving in the military, or your (fake) gay friend in secondary
school. See how he reacts. If you like his reaction, you might want to
consider coming out to him. He might catch the bait and disclose his
sexuality. If he’s not gay, you can still be friends. (And remember, try
as you might, you will never be able to convert a straight man into
becoming gay.)
types of relationships
What kinds of relationships are you interested in? There are many
arrangements and sociologists have studied them for ages. Here’s a
helpful summary of the possible configurations:
Monogamous relationship - one where the two parties in a relationship
have exclusive sex (i.e. no sexual contact with outsiders)
Polygamous relationship - one where more than two parties in a
relationship have exclusive sex (like a three person relationship)
Open relationship - the two parties in a relationship agree to have
casual sexual flings (usually no emotional involvement) with parties
outside of the relationship. There are various types of open
relationships.
Fuck buddies or friends with benefits - having non-committal, ongoing
sex with gay friends
Friendships - duh. No sex involved!
There are implications both sexually and emotionally for each
arrangement. If you intend to have a monogamous relationship, it is
important to communicate that to your partner, who may be more sexually
adventurous and wants an open relationship. Also, are you falling in
love with your fuck buddy? Watch out. He might not be that into you (no
pun intended)!
p**s
发帖数: 1891
2
有几段很不错:
Myth Two: Gay relationships don’t last.
While being in a gay relationship in Singapore presents its challenges,
there are many gay couples who have withstood the test of time.
Myth Three: Gay relationships are doomed to fail because gays are
promiscuous.
Monogamy is an issue which should be discussed frankly with your partner
early in the relationship. Some healthy relationships are sustained on
the mutual understanding that sexual liaisons with other people may
happen. On the other hand, you and your partner may choose to remain
monogamous because it is important to you.
know yourself first
What is your list? It doesn’t matter if
skin-deep qualities are the most important to you – as long as you admit it
to yourself.
.......
(And remember, try as you might, you will never be able to convert a
straight man into becoming gay.)
There are implications both sexually and emotionally for each
arrangement. If you intend to have a monogamous relationship, it is
important to communicate that to your partner, who may be more sexually
adventurous and wants an open relationship.

【在 p**s 的大作中提到】
: 【 以下文字转载自 Rainbow 讨论区 】
: 发信人: newtenant (日安), 信区: Rainbow
: 标 题: How to Survive a Gay Men Dating(zz)
: 发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Fri May 27 13:26:57 2011, 美东)
: Read this book!
: It is a first book of this kind in Singapore and can be read on line at
: http://www.oogachaga.com/gaymendatingguide
: or downloaded as a pdf from
: http://www.oogachaga.com/files/gaydating24FebLR.pdf
: The following excerpted from the guide:

p**s
发帖数: 1891
3
除了第二点我持保留意见外, 其他都是箴言.
I*******y
发帖数: 4893
4
是啊是啊是啊是啊

【在 p**s 的大作中提到】
: 除了第二点我持保留意见外, 其他都是箴言.
k*****e
发帖数: 22013
5
don't mention your ex也不一定阿
看你怎么说了
有的人魂牵梦萦地满嘴都是ex,当然不行
有的人一提起ex就好像仇深似海不共戴天,这也不行。
你的经历决定你这个人是怎么样的人。
ex是你的经历的一部分,这是不可避免的。
该提就提,顺其自然,没必要刻意。

【在 p**s 的大作中提到】
: 除了第二点我持保留意见外, 其他都是箴言.
p**s
发帖数: 1891
6
我理解原文的意思是不要'主动'提ex
当然, 谈话中对方提起, 就"顺其自然,没必要刻意".

【在 k*****e 的大作中提到】
: don't mention your ex也不一定阿
: 看你怎么说了
: 有的人魂牵梦萦地满嘴都是ex,当然不行
: 有的人一提起ex就好像仇深似海不共戴天,这也不行。
: 你的经历决定你这个人是怎么样的人。
: ex是你的经历的一部分,这是不可避免的。
: 该提就提,顺其自然,没必要刻意。

1 (共1页)
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