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发帖数: 2153 | 1 ...very little has been written about what actually happens at so called
reparative therapy. Chaim Levin enrolled on a Jewish scheme to try to turn
himself straight. This is his story.
I grew up in a traditional Jewish family in Crown Heights. I love my mother,
my father and my family. I had always felt different and was the subject of
relentless bullying by other boys for “seeming” gay. When I was 17 I
confided to a friend that I was attracted to men and not sexually attracted
to women at all. When it came out, I was thrown out of yeshiva (Jewish
religious school). For the longest time I felt so alone because I truly
believed that I was the only person battling this secret war. My older
siblings were getting married and having kids, and all I ever wanted was to
be a part of the beautiful world my parents had raised me in. My dream was
to marry a woman and live the life my family hoped and dreamed for me. I
would never have chosen to be gay; I could not imagine anyone growing up in
the Orthodox world who would choose to be someone who doesn’t fit into the
values and norms of everyone around them.
So do I think that I was “born gay”? I don’t know and I am not sure how
important that is. What is important is that it certainly is not something
that I chose or had anything to do with. And I felt immense pressure to
somehow change who I was.
After much time and research I found a well-known organisation that “
specialised” in reparative therapy. This organisation had endorsements from
a wide range of rabbis and I was sure that it was the answer to all my
problems. The organisation’s executive director told me that he believes
everyone can change if they simply put in the hard work. I would have done
anything to change, and this message was just the hope I was looking for. I
spent two years attending every group meeting, weekend, and individual life
coaching sessions they offered. My parents and I paid thousands of dollars.
Every day, every session, I was working and waiting to feel a shift in my
desires or experience authentic change. That moment never came. I didn’t
change, I never developed any sexual desire for women, and never stopped
being attracted to men. Instead, I only felt more and more helpless because
I wasn’t changing. The organisation and its staff taught us that change
only comes to those who truly want it and are willing to put in the work. So
if I wasn’t changing, I was seen as someone who either really didn’t
sincerely want it, or would not put in the necessary work. In other words,
there was no one to blame but myself.
The worst part of my experience in reparative therapy came at the end. In a
locked office, alone with my unlicensed ‘life coach’, who said he was an
‘ex-gay man’ I was told to undress, stand in front of the counsellor and
do things too graphic to describe in this article. I was extremely
uncomfortable, but he said that I must do this for the sake of changing and
that if I didn’t remove my clothing I wouldn’t be doing the work it takes
to achieve change. I would do anything to change, and so I did what he asked
me to do. It was probably the most traumatising experience of my life.
I tried to tell people what happened, but the organisation said it wasn’t
true and refused to fire the life coach. But I have spoken to other men who
all underwent the same experience. And I can only imagine how many other
young men who this has happened to who have not yet come forward. One of the
most frustrating aspects was that because this coach is not licensed by any
professional board, he is unaccountable to any licensing committee. Since I
was over eighteen and agreed to this kind of therapy, I am told that I have
no legal recourse. But I do have my voice! Yet, even after coming forward
with what happened, nothing has changed. I often hear that this therapy has
helped people, that it is wonderful, but I wonder, how helpful can an
organisation be when it causes great suffering and pain to many who come to
them for hope.
...
I know first hand how this kind of societal bullying can lead to self-harm
and suicide. I know of too many young men who have been pressured to stay in
these kinds of therapies only to be tormented to point of taking their own
lives. No one can bring these boys back. However, there are many Orthodox
rabbis, religious therapists and organisations that remind us we are loved
and that we belong. In the darkness of my days, a grass roots support
community organisation in New York called JQY saved my life. JQY is a group
of over five hundred young Jews who grew up in the religious community.
Their goal is to combat shame, bullying and ostracising, while making
families, religious schools and communities safe and welcoming to their gay
members. They do not advocate for any change in religious law, but rather
assert that one can believe that certain behaviours are technically
prohibited and still be a happy, healthy and fulfilled person.
...
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2012/02/05/the-shocking-truth-about-r |
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